There’s a lot of controversy when it comes to a man and his facial hair. Most of the time the fashionable trend for men is to sport that clean shaven mug and avoid crossing that very thin line of actually achieving good-looking, fashionable facial hair. Recently, in Hollywood anyways, the woolly look is the hot new trend. Many famous celebrity male actors like Robert Downey Jr., Brad Pitt and George Clooney have turned in their pure, pretty boy faces for that newly in Sasquatch look. Whether the beard is making a comeback or not, there are certain facial hair don’ts that one should never fall victim to.
Here is a list of the 5 worst facial hair trends of all time. If you catch yourself either having one of these or possessing one of these, here’s a little advice for you – DON’T!
*Note: This list is not in any particular order.
5. Soul Patch
The soul patch is a little cluster of facial hair that resides directly under a man’s lower lip. It acts a parasite as it leeches to the lip refusing to ever let go. The soul patch looks as if it is the soul survivor of a once prominent and possibly respectable beard. Hmm, maybe that’s where it got its name. It’s as if the owner once had a full beard, but during the shaving process simply forgot about the little blip under his chin. At one time, this patch de soul was worn by early jazz trumpet players, as it was a nice cushion for the trumpet to rest on as they tooted their horns. Now, it has simply become a fashion trend and an unfortunate one at that. Soul patch? More like a convenient soup catcher. Hey, look there, it still does serve a purpose.
4. The Handle Bar Mustache
Where to begin with this one? There are so many wrong things about this awful piece of face-wear that there isn’t really a good starting point. How the concept of growing out your mustache to unwieldy lengths ever became a fashion staple is the main question at hand. If you have to use similar wax-like products on your facial hair as you do on your actual hairdo then that should be a giant red sign saying STOP. However, there is one person who has rocked the handle bar mustache for decades without a drop in popularity. Who? None other than the chubby mushroom-munching, high-jumping, princess-saving plumber himself – Mario! But hey, if you want to fashion your style after a video game character then go right ahead. I’m sure someone out there will think you look good? Then again, probably not.
3. Civil War Chops
What seemed like a status statement during the time, Civil War chops were huge among officers and soldiers during the war between the states. On par with the ridiculousness of old English wigs during the colonel times, the Civil War chops were reminiscent of a great mountaineer beard that had somehow lost its pants. Everything was there – the mustache, the sideburn attachment, the thick, desired length, but there was just one crucial part missing – the entire bottom half. As a result, its place in history can be seen more as an offspring to the mustache than the beard. The Civil War chop was like seeing a gorilla shaved from the waist down – pretty strange and very disturbing. Regardless of how this awfully incredible style came into play, we can at least rest assured that it has lost its popularity throughout the times.
2. The Neck Beard
The neck beard isn’t necessarily an attempt at facial hair fashion; rather, it’s the laziness of the wearer or the complete unawareness that your beard shouldn’t leave you looking like a Chewbacca impersonator. A well-kept beard should embrace the neckline, never exceed it. Let’s put it this way. If your neck beard connects to your chest hair then, Houston, we have a problem. There is no clearance for takeoff here, just horrible beard-wearing fashion.
1. The Mustache
The most controversial form of facial hair expression lies within the confines of the simple mustache. The mustache has been a part of worldly culture for centuries. The beloved flavor savor has seen many variations throughout its long standing years with a couple making this very list. The lip warmer has never seemed to find a proper place in fashion, mainly because of its principle. The idea of shaving your entire face but leaving a thin strip of hair above the lip has never been very settling. When accompanied by a surrounding beard, the moustache can be presentable, but left on its own, it stands no chance of fashion survival. Unless your name is Tom Sellock, you can kiss any hope of successfully pulling off the mustache a long and sweet goodbye.
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